If you want to know if your relationship is true love or true poison, evaluate the impact it has on your wellbeing. Does your relationship strengthen you or weaken you? Does your relationship draw out the best in you, or the worst in you? Does your relationship elevate your vibration or does your relationship depress your vibration? Do you feel alive and energized after your interaction or do you feel exhausted and defeated? Nothing but the whole truth will set you free.
As you enter any relationship, know your outcome. Decide in advance if you want to walk down the avenue of Self Empowerment or Self Destruction, and make your selections accordingly. Keep your antennas and feelers in check and notice the QUALITY of energy exchange that is taking place between you and your partner.
Know thyself. Notice if your intention and agendas (I know you don’t have any agendas) are matched or mismatched to the other persons’ intention and agendas. Be radically honest with yourself about what your intentions and expectation are. Keep in mind that any type of self-deception always ends up in self-destruction. When you decorate the truth and lie to yourself, you automatically inject yourself with True Poison.
People pleasing is a toxic behavior, because at its very root it’s disingenuous. If you use people pleasing as a strategy to feel loved and appreciated, just stop it. Not only will you not feel loved, YOU will end up feeling used and manipulated. It’s just your own seed energy, making its way back to you. Always pause to pay attention to WHERE your giving is coming from. Is your GIVING coming from the pure intention of genuine contribution or is your giving tinged with a hint of GETTING and manipulation? Under the guise of true love, people pleasing is one way for you to auto inoculate your energy field with True Poison.
Give yourself what you CRAVE. Don’t expect others to give you what you refuse to give to yourself. If you are craving True Love, start showering yourself with an abundance of True Love. As you exude the energy of True Love across your own energy field, you will notice how it will amplify and return right back to you. Similarly, honor yourself with unconditional self-love. Be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, prioritize yourself, listen to your inner truth, adore yourself, validate yourself, celebrate yourself, and never ever sell to out to anyone for any reason. When you embrace, own and exude the vibration of true love, true love will seek you and find you.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you that true love, starts from within. When you learn how to truly love yourself, and you own and exude this vibration, you will attract true love.
As your brain witnessed the dynamic between your parents (or main caregivers), it began to create a brain map for what relationships are all about. Therefore, by witnessing the dynamic of your parent’s relationship, your brain was wired to fire in a very specific sequence and pathway. It’s important to recognize (not blame) the impact of your mommy and daddy’s relationship signatures, on your beautiful brain, so that you can understand why YOU do what YOU do.
For example, from my point of view as a child, the role my mother played in her relationship was a mixture of martyr and victim. The role my father played was sociopathic dictator. In addition to their individual relationship signatures, they had a collective relationship signature of chaos.
What was the impact of your parent’s relationship dynamic on your conscious and subconscious thoughts and beliefs?
By watching your parents’ individual and collective relationship signatures, what conclusions did you draw about relationships? What did your brain become trained to expect in relationships?
As you know, when your brain receives incoming information, it starts to sort and code that information as a “map”. As your brain witnessed and memorized the incoming relationship data, it created patterns (neural grooves) specific to your original imprint experiences. And so, just like a recording on TiVo, all anyone has to do is to hit your start button and all those originally recorded files start replaying on the big screen HDTV of your mind. Sometimes those original recordings only get triggered to play on your subconscious TiVo screen. This means your conscious mind can remain unaware why you go from feeling happy to suddenly feeling outraged. Now you know why. When you toggle from suddenly feeling happy to suddenly feeling distressed “for no reason” it’s probably because your subconscious imprint TiVo recordings got triggered.
A challenge presents itself with those original imprint maps are in conflict with your present day relationship desire. Some people make the classic mistake of believing that they have been forever tattooed with their parents disempowering relationship maps, and thus they feel that they will always remain under the grip of that original recording. The good news is, similar to TiVo, you can learn how to re-record and delete that original recording. Through the process of neural pruning, you can “break apart” the old brain maps (the original recording); and install and intentionally fire more empowering brain maps (thought processes) that serve you at the highest and deepest levels.
The idea here is not to blame your parents, the idea here is to understand why you have been doing what you have been doing in your relationships, and to empower you to raise your awareness. You are responsible for transforming all the patterns that debilitate you in your relationships.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will give you the opportunity to understand your parents’ individual and collective relationship signatures and its impact on you. Furthermore, you will learn how to wire in new healthy thoughts and beliefs that allow you experience and attract what you truly desire.
It’s relatively easy to discover YOUR dominant subconscious relationship signature. As you take a trip down memory lane, begin to jot down what genre your relationships typically fall under.
What has been the predominant THEME of your last few relationships?
After you have correctly selected your predominant relationship theme, see yourself as the lead actor or actress in those “movies”.
Your brain has built relationship its templates from the relationship dynamics that it has witnessed. If you look back, you may notice that you have (unconsciously) picked the themes and roles that are consistent with your brain’s most actively charged relationship templates. The reason why you may not have picked a “better” dominant relationship role (even though you technically “know better”), is because your internal relationship brain map didn’t include a healthier template for you to choose from.
Regardless of which patterns your relationship neural (brain map) grooves have become stamped with, at any moment in time, you can CONSCIOUSLY and deliberately etch in new and more empowering neural pathways. All you have to do is to just shake your Etch a Sketch MIND pad, and deliberately draw in a new and more fulfilling relationship signature. Every time you intentionally fire this new relationship signature, i.e. your preferred theme and role, you strengthen and enrich this new template. If you do this often enough, this new relationship signature can become your dominant (and default) go to brain map.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM creates the space for you to discover and upgrade your unconscious relationship signatures so that you can consciously choose your relationship destiny.
One of the primary reasons why people feel abandoned in a relationship is because they have abandoned themselves. Every time you settle for a toxic breadcrumb or a consolation prize, you abandon yourself. You abandon yourself because deep down, you don’t truly believe that you can have the real prize that your heart truly craves for. You abandon yourself because you have not yet learned how to have a more loving and kind relationship with yourself. You abandon yourself because you have not yet learned how to prioritize your spirit and wellbeing. You abandon yourself because you have not yet acknowledged how immensely valuable and worthy of love you are. When you learn how to honor yourself, you will no longer abandon yourself and settle for toxic breadcrumbs or consolation prizes.
If you keep rehearsing thoughts about your toxic breadcrumbs or consolation prizes that make you feel “less than”, you will keep making choices that make you feel “lesser” and you will continue to violate your own highest values. Hug yourself. Honor yourself and cancel your subscription to anything, including your own self-talk, that makes you feel “less than”. You have authority over your own mind. Furthermore, you have the right and responsibility to choose to dwell on beliefs that elevate your consciousness, and thoughts that inspire you to take action toward your greatest good.
If you are accepting breadcrumbs and consolation prizes in your relationships, chances are you are operating from fear. The only reason you keep receiving breadcrumbs and consolation prizes is because on some level, this is what you keep (consciously/ subconsciously) agreeing to because you naturally feel afraid. What are you so afraid of? The more you cling to what you are afraid of, the more you keep the vibration of fear active in your energy field. Refresh your mindset. Refresh your agreements. Refresh your expectations. Set new standards and boundaries that make you feel both valued and honored. Flip the script and (learn how to) stand in and operate from your soul power.
Decide to buy into your own desires and release all the toxic breadcrumbs and consolation nonsense that pollutes your essence. Leave old memories of abandonment, disappointment and defeat behind you. Renew your mind and merge yourself with your true essence. Buy into the truth of what you want. Buy into the gift of your uniqueness. You are the author of your life. Pick up your pen; turn to a new page, and start mapping out a brand new blueprint for your preferred relationship destiny.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will teach how you to disconnect from toxic breadcrumbs and consolation prizes, and connect to your hearts desires.
What do you do when you are driving your car and you reach a huge intersection and you look at the traffic light in front of you and you notice that both red and green lights are on simultaneously? Chances are, your brain becomes confused, you don’t know what to do, and so you stand still as your brain starts to calculate and tabulate and interpret all the traffic patterns coming in from all different directions. Mixed signals always lead to mixed chaos. The same is true when you hold mixed signals about what you want. You invite chaos.
Let’s say you really want a relationship (green light) but you can’t see how you will ever meet your soul mate (red light). What happens? Nothing at all. Do you attract your soul mate? No. Because your energy is in conflict and it’s twisted into a pretzel, and so your point of attraction is twisted. Until your inner conflict is resolved, you will continue to hold antagonistic thoughts and divergent intentions. And a foot in both worlds will always leave you feeling anxious, ungrounded and all over the place.
When you hold and emanate opposing vibrations (green light + red light) your energy becomes split and scattered, and you won’t be able to reach your preferred destiny. As long as you hold inner conflict, you will keep feeling stuck in the same debilitating relationship patterns repeatedly and you will keep perpetuating chaos.
To streamline your point of attraction, you must identify and then resolve every line item of inner conflict. Why? Because life is energy based. “As within, so without.” As long as you still hold inner conflict, you will attract conflict.
When you are no longer running internal resistance to your own desires, you will transform your detrimental patterns of inner conflict into empowering energetic patterns of attraction. This new internal alignment will allow you to harmoniously attract what you REALLY want.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will help you to uncover your inner conflicts, so you can de-clutter your mind and spirit from energy habits that leave you feelings perpetually frustrated, defeated or empty-handed.
When you think about your relationships, keep two circles in front of your mind’s eye. The circle on your left is the Circle of Defeat, and the circle on the right is the Circle of Power.
Look at your relationships. Which circle do you most predominantly operate from? Do you react to your relationships from the Circle of Defeat, or do you proactively address your relationship from your Circle of Power? Which triggers (stress, fear, anxiety) make you jump back and forth between the 2 different circles?
Your Circle of Defeat includes these reactions: self-defense, blame, shame, guilt, fear, anger, attack, accusation, rage, resentment, run or shut down. When you are in a relationship and you are faced with a disagreement or confrontation, where does your mind go to FIRST? Do you address disagreements from your Circle of Defeat or from your Circle of Power?
If you have experienced a lot of trauma in your past relationships, your brain may have become well mapped for firing the neural pathways consistent with the Circle of Defeat. When you operate from the Circle of Defeat, you may tend have disproportionate reactions to perceived injustices. Until your imprint wounds from your past are fully healed, it’s very likely that you will continue to unconsciously react to your current relationship from your formerly wired brain map of defeat.
Have you ever noticed that your BELIEFS about how much power you have in a situation determine whether or not you feel depressed and defeated? If you believe that you are powerless in a situation and that you don’t have access to more compelling options, you will naturally feel defeated. Therefore, it’s less about the situation at hand, and more about your underlying beliefs about how much power you have.
So while you may have been UNCONSCIOUSLY programmed to respond to your relationships from your imprint relationship map (the Circle of Defeat), you can always CONSCIOUSLY choose to jump into your Circle of Power, and be able to respond to your relationship with a more powerful attitude, mindset and vibration.
Where is your Circle of Power? You can think of your Circle of Power as your Circle of Excellence or inner light. This is a place in which you honor yourself, your values, your principles and your wellbeing. Your Circle of Power is a place where you are grounded, centered and being your best.
You may have inadvertently disconnected from your Circle of Power so long ago, that you can’t even remember it ever existing. Rest assured, your Circle of Power is still in you, and you were born with it. It may just be a weaker brain map that’s hibernating backstage. If you look for it, I promise you will find it. It’s inside you. Look deep within. Once you find it, jump right in it, and stay in it.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how you can jump out of your psychological Circle of Defeat and jump into your Circle of Power, so you can feel more powerful and alive.
A teacher of mine once told me “1+1= 10,000”.
When it comes to your relationships, does 1+1= 10,000? Or does 1+1= a negative number? When you combine your energy with another person, what’s the impact?
Do Your Relationships:
Have you ever been in a relationship where 1+1= a negative number? How long did it take you to realize that you had entered into a situation of diminishing returns? Once you realized you had hit a dead end, how much longer did you stay in that relationship? Why? What were you trying to avoid? What were you trying to prove? Most importantly, why did you go back to that relationship? Perhaps you went back because you didn’t know that 1+1 could equal 10,000.
Your innermost beliefs about yourself and your most well practiced energetic vibration will determine whom you attract into your life and whom you will settle for. If you have ever settled in your past relationships, pause to notice how the level of your deepest (subconscious) insecurities, matched their level of insecurity. Perhaps you were insecure about your career and they were insecure about their finances. It doesn’t matter what the insecurity was about. What matters is that insecurity was a strong vibration that you had in common. You will always attract the dominant INTERNAL vibration that you both host and carry.
Vibration is energy. One primary way to transform your vibration is to heal your pain from the past. You can’t just shove your pain under the carpet and hope and pray that it will one day go away. Similar to an infection, the energy of your original emotional, relationship wound doesn’t just go away because you ignore it. It will fester and grow and take on a unique life of its own, until you stop and give it the attention and healing that it deserves. The vibration of your prior unhealed pain will have a subconscious hold on you, until you heal and transform that deleterious vibration. Remember you will always attract whatever is in a similar energetic pattern to your most dominant internal vibration (recent or old, conscious or unconscious). Therefore, when you heal and transform your own dominant vibration of your unhealed pain, you will automatically transform your point of attraction.
As soon as you give yourself permission to honor your highest and best interest, you elevate your vibration. Remember that 1+1=10,000 is a two way street. If you want to make an exponential contribution to another person or if you want to receive exponential contribution from another person, make sure that you remain connected to your inner lighthouse and power grid.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how you can embody and attract 1+1=10,000.
The only thing stopping you from having everything that you want is the story that you keep telling yourself. Change the story you tell yourself, change your mindset and you will change your relationship prophecy. Open your heart and get ready to share, receive and exchange love. Learn how to deliberately and consciously change your MENTAL & EMOTIONAL relationship signature, because you are definitely worth it.
If 1+1 doesn’t equal 10,000 in your relationship, make some new agreements. Keep your vibration elevated and keep your heart open to attract and to create the experiences that you really crave. Give yourself permission to open a few new doors (in your mind and spirit), and to close some old disempowering doors behind you as you do so. The past has served to enrich you with experience and wisdom. Learn how to take the light and the wisdom of your past with you, and to leave the other vibrations behind you. Don’t give up on love. Create more mental and emotional space for more love to enter. Start by giving yourself all of the love you crave to receive.
On your journey of Self Mastery, you will have plenty of opportunities for transformation. Always welcome the opportunity to climb the ladder of consciousness to higher mental, spiritual and emotional planes. “As within, so without”. What you believe and feel on the inside, you will attract on the outside. Be clear about the new relationship signature that you want to embody and attract. Your new relationship signature will become your new relationship prophecy for a long time. Make sure to ask the universe for what you really want. Don’t settle and never sell out. Intentionally hold your ideal relationship in mind, and begin to attract that same frequency into your life.
If you haven’t heard it before, hear it now. I am telling you: YOU MATTER & YOU ARE PRICELESS. Make new and empowering declarations for what you are worth. The more you learn to hold unconditional love for the imperfectly perfect gift that you are, the more you will supercharge your inbuilt love magnet to draw in unconditional love to you. Supercharge the snapshot of what your heart and spirit really crave. Make a list of everything that you want to receive from your partner: love, understanding, care, consideration, truth, kindness… and vow to immediately shower yourself with everything on your list. Refuse to stand down, until you give yourself everything that your spirit CRAVES to attract.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you that everything starts from the relationship that you have with yourself. Learn how to give yourself everything you crave, and how to transform your relationship signature and your relationship prophecy.
If you crave a 5 star destiny, make sure to always keep your secret weapons Self Love, Self Worth & Self Respect on tap.
Interesting fact: almost every time I bring up the idea of SELF LOVE on a Coaching call, almost every single one of my clients (and they are brilliant) invariably become confused. The first question they ask is “What do you mean?” or “Self Love? What are you talking about?”
Think about the area of life in which YOU experience the greatest stress and the least fulfillment (self confidence, family, relationships, career, finances, body, fitness, health, sexuality) on a scale of 0-10, how much Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect do you usually express in that area?
If you have been programmed to base your Self Love, Self Worth or Self Respect on what other people think of you, you are destined to lead a very unhappy life. This is because you will not be able to simultaneously please all of your many puppet masters. Never sell yourself out in order to appear to be more valuable in the eyes of another person. You will end up hurting yourself in the process. Respect and honor yourself no matter what.
Like it or not, your decisions scream what you actually believe you are worth. Settling a Self Worth issue. If you truly believed you were worth more, you would never stand down to what you are standing down to now. You would stop playing small. You would stop selling out. You would stop waiting. You would instead stand tall and fiercely honor, pursue and create what your spirit deeply craves and deserves.
Having unfinished business with yourself can further undermine your feelings of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect. When you feel bad about whom you are, you are more likely to make low value or detrimental decisions. If your unfinished business with yourself remains unchecked, you will continue to harbor chaos and you will subconsciously attract and create even more chaos.
If you go to the backstage of your mind, and pop the hood and take a look, you will realize that the bulk of your current mental or emotional suffering is linked to a Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect issue. A lack of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect will cause you to be at war with yourself. When you are at war with yourself, you can’t be at peace with life – it’s that simple.
Your greatest pain is usually rooted in what you have done to yourself. When you truly forgive yourself, you can fall in love with yourself, and connect with how priceless you truly are. Forgive yourself, and move onward and upward on the ladder of Self Love.
Realize that your SELF Worth doesn’t reflect what people think of you. Your Self Worth reflects what YOU think of you. Other people unconsciously respond to how you see yourself. If you habitually devalue or undervalue your own essential value, others will take you at your own estimation. As you enrich your own perception of your Self Worth, others will echo your new valuation. However, it’s important to remember that Self Worth is an internal decision. Never give your power away to anyone or give him or her the opportunity to decide what you are worth. You are priceless. That is what you are worth, nothing less.
For the love of all things sacred, please don’t EVER confuse your NET worth with your SELF worth. Your net worth is what your accountant tells you your assets are worth. Your SELF WORTH is what you tell yourself you are worth. Your net worth has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. You are irreplaceable and therefore priceless. So remember to never ever tie your self worth to your net worth, as to do so is incomprehensible.
Most people believe “When I achieve what I really want, then I will feel greater Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect.” This equation is backward and highly detrimental to your wellbeing. When you greet the world with the feelings of Self Love and Self Worth and Self Respect, you will reach your goals with a twinkle in your eyes and a spring in your step.
Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect are gifts that you must learn to give to yourself. When you build and enrich this triad, you will arm yourself with the most powerful secret weapons. Armed with Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect, no person or event will ever again be able to make you feel insecure, inferior, “not good enough” or “less than”.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will consistently remind you how priceless you are, and will teach you how to value yourself, and enrich your feelings of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect. Through mental, emotional and spiritual cross fit training you will learn how to awaken your greatness, stand in your true power and honor, pursue and create precisely what your spirit craves.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM is about FOREVER GRATIFICATION