When clients ask me “What is wrong with me?” I say, “There’s nothing wrong with you, there is something ‘wrong’ with the way you brain has been trained to fire. Your brain has been mapped with booby traps! Therefore, you keep doing what you don’t want to do, and you keep getting what you don’t want to get. Your brain is executing its imprint program, with both precision and accuracy. When you learn how to transform your negative thoughts and feelings, you will free your mind and simply amaze yourself. Once your mind is free of old mental and emotional clutter, you will feel energized enough to pursue your deepest desires. Until then, remember: there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. So stop beating yourself up.
In seminars, I often ask the audience “Can you think of a specific event that has really adversely impacted your Self Confidence?” And no matter who the audience is, dozens of hands shoot straight up high.
Now I am asking you: Which specific event shook your psychological foundation and broke YOUR self-confidence?
When you check in with yourself and look back to that event, do you feel as if you have “never been the same”? Do you feel “less than” because of the impact of that event? How did the collateral damage of that event impact your Self Confidence and Self Worth?
Think about the main experience in your life that has most adversely stunted your Self Confidence. Pause to notice how your reaction to that psychologically painful event has become your Achilles heel. How are you still operating under the footprints and EMOTIONAL grip of THAT single experience?
Appraise the impact and consequence of that experience on your psyche. When that emotionally charged event became ingrained in your mind, body and spirit, what did your brain become subconsciously mapped FOR & AGAINST? It’s easy to see what your brain has been MAPPED FOR. Just take a look inside your box of life. Everything that you find in your box of life is what you have been MAPPED FOR. Whatever is missing from your box of life is what you have been MAPPED AGAINST. The good news is if you really want to, you can learn how to deliberately add/remove mental and emotional brain maps from your box of life, so you can make room for what you really want. It’s simple really; New Brain Maps = New Destiny.
Let’s say that you really crave being in a passionate and fulfilling intimate relationship. Instead, this is the area of your life in which you feel the greatest fear, pain and lack. This is because your brain has been MAPPED FOR your current relationship (or lack thereof) and MAPPED AGAINST creating and attracting your ideal desired relationship. So while you verbally insist that you REALLY want a fulfilling relationship, your Inner Terrorist (negative inner voice) prevents you from pursuing what you really want.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with how those imprint brain maps have trained you to think and feel. Those imprint brain maps control your thoughts, your beliefs, your attitudes, your expectations and your behaviors. Meaning until you learn how to add new inspiring maps to your brain, those imprint mental and emotional blueprints will continue to control and undermine your feelings of self worth. Same Brain Map = Same Chaos.
Relax and stop persecuting yourself. Based on your life experiences, your brain has become mapped to fire in both powerful and maladaptive patterns. If you want to stop falling into the same dysfunctional patterns, resolve to remap your brain. Two main strategies are required for remapping your dominant default brain maps.
(If you don’t know how to do this, don’t worry, FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM Coaching will show you how. )
When you heal your historical wounds, you will finally free yourself from the mental and emotional baggage of your past. Moreover, once you have permanently switched your brain map over to first class thinking, you can attract and create first class emotional experiences.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will remind you that there is nothing wrong with you.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how you can consciously train your brain for platinum thinking, perceiving and believing. Once your mind is set on the platinum train track you can automatically head towards a brand new destiny. What used to stop you will no longer have any power over you. Through daily attention and conditioning, you will learn how to wire in and reinforce this new PREFERRED and FIERCE SELF CONFIDENT map to become your “new normal”.
The fastest way for you to destroy your quality of life is for you to lie to yourself. Self Deception always guarantees Self Destruction. Every time that you minimize, avoid, deny, decorate or sugar coat your truth, you cause fragmentation within yourself. This fragmentation leads to an inner divide that will pit you against yourself and that will drive you insane. Anytime you lie to yourself for any reason, you lose. Every time you lie to yourself, you crush and destroy a small part of your spirit. This goes for big lies, small lies, dark lies, white lies and rainbow colored lies. To the degree that you learn to tell the truth, to that degree you will set yourself free.
Depending on the rules and regulations of your family of origin, you may have been conditioned to play small, or sell out or settle, so that you don’t outshine others or so that you don’t rock the boat. “Noble” self-deception, unfortunately still leads to self-destruction. Never convince yourself that you are selling out for the benefit of another person. The only reason you are selling out (for your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, mother, father, job, society, xyz) is because you don’t yet have the FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCE TM to stand up for your highest and deepest truth.
As soon as you set aside all untruths, half-truths, and would prefer to be truths, you will immediately release suppressed energy from within you. This means when you learn how to channel that energy toward honoring, pursuing and creating what you really CRAVE, you will awaken your true gifts and inspire yourself.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM gives you the power, responsibility and permission to admit your truth, at the very least first to yourself. The truth of who you are, what you think, what you feel, and what YOU REALLY CRAVE, and what you no longer want to settle for.
Can you think of a time when you were walking tall and proud and on top of the world, glowing and beaming and then suddenly something triggered you to fall straight in the emotional abyss? Has this ever happened to you? You are usually left wondering, “Wait, what happened? I was fine, just moments ago.” What happened is that some associative conditioning triggered your brain map out of the penthouse of your being straight into the basement of your thinking.
Think of your mind as skyscraper. Similar to any skyscraper, your mind has a basement (your lowest level thought processes) and a penthouse (your most elevated thought processes). Your quality of life at any moment in time is determined by which floor of your consciousness you are currently standing in, and accessing and addressing life from. When it comes to your area of greatest weakness and pain, do you predominantly resort to limiting basement thoughts and beliefs or empowering and expansive penthouse thoughts and beliefs?
“As within, so without.” Your dominant internal reality determines your dominant external reality. A basement mindset reinforces basement decisions and a basement quality of life. If you are mired in a basement mentality, basement preoccupations or basement anticipation, you will continue to attract people who have a similarly poor mindset.
Penthouse thinking (elevated consciousness) leads you to penthouse feelings. Penthouse thoughts, beliefs and attitudes lead you to penthouse decisions, penthouse behaviors and a penthouse quality of life. The more you expand your thought process and elevate your consciousness, the more access you will be granted to luxurious mental, emotional and spiritual amenities.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will teach you how to snap out of your preoccupation with limiting basement thoughts and feelings and to take the express elevator back up to the penthouse of your being, so you can experience life from a place of pure luxury and endless possibilities.
Your psychological Inner Terrorist (negative inner voice) is a massive hidden liability. From the moment you wake up, before you are even fully conscious and alert, your Inner Terrorist automatically triggers you to redirect your energy and to focus on what is wrong and what is missing.
Your Inner Terrorist’s job is to underhandedly and systematically create potholes in your self-esteem and damage your sense of self worth, and send you into a self-induced psychological tailspin.
Similar to any terrorist, your Inner Terrorist looks to identify, exploit and attack your areas of vulnerability & weakness. Your Inner Terrorist’s modus operandi is two fold. First: to make you believe in lack. And second: to make you believe in your powerlessness to effectively change your experiences and outcomes.
Depending on your particular sensitivity, your Inner Terrorist will remind you of your lack of education, lack of money, lack of status, lack of beauty, lack of power, lack of resources, lack of intelligence, lack of heath, lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of self confidence, lack of relationships, lack of love, lack of joy, lack of fulfillment, lack of peace…. Does this sound familiar?
This self-attack of lack and powerlessness carefully crafted and choreographed by your Inner Terrorist leads you to feel massive stress, fear and anxiety. Your negative inner chatter undermines your ability to channel your power and energy to create more fulfilling outcomes in both your professional and personal life.
Truth be told, your Inner Terrorist, is not yours at all, so stop clinging to it! After all, you weren’t born with an Inner Terrorist lodged inside of you. Terrorizing yourself has just been your learned and overly conditioned skillset. You weren’t born encumbered with the belief in lack, limitation, powerlessness or the thought of not being good enough coursing through your veins. These are just some brain booby traps that you borrowed from your upbringing, environment and other external influences.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how to disconnect from your psychological Inner Terrorist, so you can stop prosecuting and persecuting yourself.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will empower you to connect with you inner voice of wisdom.
Through both of my experiences of working as a Surgical PA in Cosmetic Plastic Surgery and through my experience of being a Life Coach and Speaker, I have noticed a tragic silent epidemic that results in a slow and silent spiritual suicide. This epidemic is hinged on the silent axis of evil: the feelings of insecurity, guilt, shame and of not being “good enough”.
Most people are conditioned and reinforced to feel insecure, guilty, ashamed and “not good enough”, literally if they are not perfect in EVERY way (i.e. if they don’t have the perfect family and the perfect background and the perfect education and the perfect significant other, and the perfect financial status and the perfect career and the perfect body and the perfect material objects etc.). What is this insanity about? I will tell you what it’s about. It’s about the elusive non-existent Joneses. It’s all about what your upbringing has programmed and trained you to believe that the phantom Joneses might be thinking of you. The whole thing is a hoax, because the perfect Joneses that you are trying to appeal to don’t exist. Furthermore, the Joneses that you are turning yourself into a pretzel for are busy hustling and shopping and getting counseling behind closed doors, so that THEY can appear perfect to you. It’s a covert spiritual Ponzi scheme. Decorated insecurity being exchanged for false external validation and acceptance.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how to capitalize on your uniqueness and how to connect to your AXIS OF GREATNESS so you never feel like you HAVE TO impress any of these so called Joneses ever again.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how your uniqueness is your asset. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being perfectly YOU. Your uniqueness will strengthen and fortify the pulse of humanity. Don’t dilute it. Celebrate and cherish your uniqueness.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will teach you how you can unplug from insecurity and its evil cousins (guilt, shame and “not being good enough”), and plug into an internal power grid of Self Love and Self Worth.
Why aren’t you manifesting what your spirit CRAVES?
If you cannot clearly articulate what your spirit craves (your innermost desires), you will not be able to manifest it. If your mental and emotional viewfinder is habitually locked on the images of: What is Wrong & What is Missing in your life, your neuro-associations (brain maps) will be far more robust for what you DON’T WANT; at the expense of having clarity about what you REALLY CRAVE.
The more energy and attention you direct towards what you don’t want, the less energy and awareness you have for what you really want to experience in life. If your gaze is habitually fixed on analysis paralysis of what you don’t want, how can you get in touch with what you really CRAVE? If you don’t have true clarity about what you truly CRAVE, you will keep yourself locked in a maladaptive holding pattern. Don’t waste your precious time playing the “hope and pray” game of diminishing returns with your life. Pause to realize, admit and articulate what is most important for you to experience in your lifetime.
If you know what your heart really craves, but YOU hold inner conflict about what you crave you will not be able to manifest it. Because when you are in conflict, you hold opposing energies: one part of you is actively aligned with what you want, while another part of you is actively resisting your innermost desires. It’s like trying to push and pull a door open at exactly the same time. You will exhaust yourself and remain stuck behind the door. Whenever you hold antagonistic energies simultaneously, a part of you will shut down.
Conflict statements sound similar to the following:
So clients say something similar to the following:
In order to manifest what your heart and spirit really CRAVE, you must learn how to resolve your inner conflicts, or you will continue to feel overwhelmed, frustrated and spiral out of control.
If you keep watching negative movies in your head, you will deplete all of your zest and power, and you literally won’t have the energy to pursue what you actually want.
Which of these negative movies and subtitles do you rehearse the most? (Circle your top 3)
Think of your thoughts as charged arrows shooting out of your forehead toward an intended target. Positive thoughts are positively charged arrows that hit positive targets. Negative thoughts are negatively charged arrows that hit negative targets.
If you predominantly thinking in terms of what you DON’T WANT to experience or feel (ex: “being overweight” “feeling alone”, “being broke”), you are constantly shooting your negatively charged thought arrows at negative outcomes. The more you practice being focused on what you DON’T WANT, the more likely you are to lock mental and emotional horns with those negative outcomes. In other words, if you spend most of your mental time on “negative” target practice, don’t expect to attract positive outcomes.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will help you to clearly ARTICULATE YOUR HEARTS’ DESIRES and show you how to remain loyal to your innermost desires until they manifest.
When you are emotionally stuck, instead of reaching for logic or becoming emotionally reactive, reverse the chain of command and go to your spirit first. Your spirit houses your most wise counsel. Your spirit has the strongest, widest and richest bandwidth to help you access a kaleidoscope of new solutions and new possibilities, which are of out of the reach of your usual logical mind.
When your ego is consumed with thoughts of control, lack, resentment, jealously, worry, fear, sorrow, powerlessness, it cuts you off from your accessing real time solutions to your most pressing problems and worries. Therefore, while your logical mind may be cluttered and burdened by shadow boxing grievances, your spirit is always ready, willing and able to point you in the best direction.
To jump from PANIC to POWER in lightning speed, quiet your mind, kick your ego stage left and immediately hand your spirit the microphone, and start writing down whatever your spirit tells you. When you team up with your Higher Power, you will elevate yourself to a higher vibration, and you will be able to access super stellar solutions in real time.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will show you how you can bypass the limitations of your ego and instead capture the wisdom of your spirit and power up.
If you crave a 5 star destiny, make sure to always keep your secret weapons Self Love, Self Worth & Self Respect on tap.
Interesting fact: almost every time I bring up the idea of SELF LOVE on a Coaching call, almost every single one of my clients (and they are brilliant) invariably become confused. The first question they ask is “What do you mean?” or “Self Love? What are you talking about?”
Think about the area of life in which YOU experience the greatest stress and the least fulfillment (self confidence, family, relationships, career, finances, body, fitness, health, sexuality) on a scale of 0-10, how much Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect do you usually express in that area?
If you have been programmed to base your Self Love, Self Worth or Self Respect on what other people think of you, you are destined to lead a very unhappy life. This is because you will not be able to simultaneously please all of your many puppet masters. Never sell yourself out in order to appear to be more valuable in the eyes of another person. You will end up hurting yourself in the process. Respect and honor yourself no matter what.
Like it or not, your decisions scream what you actually believe you are worth. Settling a Self Worth issue. If you truly believed you were worth more, you would never stand down to what you are standing down to now. You would stop playing small. You would stop selling out. You would stop waiting. You would instead stand tall and fiercely honor, pursue and create what your spirit deeply craves and deserves.
Having unfinished business with yourself can further undermine your feelings of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect. When you feel bad about whom you are, you are more likely to make low value or detrimental decisions. If your unfinished business with yourself remains unchecked, you will continue to harbor chaos and you will subconsciously attract and create even more chaos.
If you go to the backstage of your mind, and pop the hood and take a look, you will realize that the bulk of your current mental or emotional suffering is linked to a Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect issue. A lack of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect will cause you to be at war with yourself. When you are at war with yourself, you can’t be at peace with life – it’s that simple.
Your greatest pain is usually rooted in what you have done to yourself. When you truly forgive yourself, you can fall in love with yourself, and connect with how priceless you truly are. Forgive yourself, and move onward and upward on the ladder of Self Love.
Realize that your SELF Worth doesn’t reflect what people think of you. Your Self Worth reflects what YOU think of you. Other people unconsciously respond to how you see yourself. If you habitually devalue or undervalue your own essential value, others will take you at your own estimation. As you enrich your own perception of your Self Worth, others will echo your new valuation. However, it’s important to remember that Self Worth is an internal decision. Never give your power away to anyone or give him or her the opportunity to decide what you are worth. You are priceless. That is what you are worth, nothing less.
For the love of all things sacred, please don’t EVER confuse your NET worth with your SELF worth. Your net worth is what your accountant tells you your assets are worth. Your SELF WORTH is what you tell yourself you are worth. Your net worth has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. You are irreplaceable and therefore priceless. So remember to never ever tie your self worth to your net worth, as to do so is incomprehensible.
Most people believe “When I achieve what I really want, then I will feel greater Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect.” This equation is backward and highly detrimental to your wellbeing. When you greet the world with the feelings of Self Love and Self Worth and Self Respect, you will reach your goals with a twinkle in your eyes and a spring in your step.
Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect are gifts that you must learn to give to yourself. When you build and enrich this triad, you will arm yourself with the most powerful secret weapons. Armed with Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect, no person or event will ever again be able to make you feel insecure, inferior, “not good enough” or “less than”.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM will consistently remind you how priceless you are, and will teach you how to value yourself, and enrich your feelings of Self Love, Self Worth and Self Respect. Through mental, emotional and spiritual cross fit training you will learn how to awaken your greatness, stand in your true power and honor, pursue and create precisely what your spirit craves.
FIERCE SELF CONFIDENCETM is about FOREVER GRATIFICATION